Self-Diagnosis, Online Quizzes

Lately I have been reading "The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer's Block, and the Creative Brain" by Alice Flaherty, and not only does it discuss hypergraphia, a diagnosable illness wherein the affected person feels an uncontrollable compulsion to write, but other pyschological disorders are mentioned as well (many go hand in hand with hypergraphia). I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not afflicted by the uncontrollable urge to write. But reading the book has made me think about disorders and such. While I consider myself a fairly sane person, occasionally there is a question! After all, as contemporary poet Mary Ruefle said: "Among all people, psychological disorders occur most among artist, among all artists they occur most among writers, and among all writers, most among poets." So I figure I have inherited at least a touch of madness by virtue of my chosen vocation.

I have been considering of late the strain that ''thinking like an artist'' can place on a person. It has most notably caused problems in my relationship with my fiance. The way being a writer has molded my mind, my perceptions, and my communication style is something I would not want to change or undo, but it is not the most conducive to a relationship with a concrete-minded, realistic man. I speak in metaphors, I get caught up in creative projects and forget to do what I've said I'll do, I remember small details with unusual accuracy but somehow forget whole conversations, even forgetting what I said moments ago, I am easily distracted, and it can be quite the undertaking to get a straight factual answer from me. Most of these add up to the appearance that I don't care how my partner feels. It's not a difficult leap to arrive at that conclusion. And no matter what I say, it stil appears that I am thoughtless because I don't change the behavior. But I can't! I do make an attempt to focus more and remember conversations. I live so much inside my own head that it's difficult to leave.

Anyway, all of this has led me to the ultimate source: online tests that measure what personality disorder you may exhibit! The results are interesting, and better than they were last time. In the past, I have been labeled as a Narcissistic. Now rather than one of the dramatic personality disorders, I have an eccentric one, which shouldn't be surprising. I am becoming more and more myself every year, and understanding what that means has led me to understand that I am unusual. According to the similarminds.com personality disorder test, I am 90% Schizotypal, (an individual who is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior). Not as exciting as some disorders, but both geniuses and complete madmen fit in this category. In the big scheme of things, I think I can live with that. Try the test yourself: http://www.similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html

It's never a bad thing to gain some insight into those lesser-known corners of ourselves. It helps explain what we do in broad daylight.